A year ago right now I was in the hospital having the Twins. I can't believe it has already been a year! I never thought this day would come! Honestly! I remember being so ready for a year to pass and to put it all behind us! Little did I know that I would probably never really "get over it". I think about them everyday and how our lives would be different with them here.
Sometimes I will just sit in our living room and imagine 2 little babies playing on the floor.
Whenever we go out, I imagine bringing them along and how much longer it would take us to do things and how much harder it would be but how much fun it would be at the same time.
I imagine Jarom coming home from work and school to all 3 of us.
During holidays, I imagine what it would be like with them, taking them trick-or-treating and dressing them up in something so cute and girly!
I imagine what they would look like and wonder if they would be chubby or skinny. Probably Chubby :)
Sometimes I sit in Sacrament meeting (Church) and wish we were holding them and passing them around to the people on our bench (mostly just Jenni and Michael)
Even when times are hard, I think about them. When Jarom had his seizure, I thought about how much more crazy it would be if they were here but how happy they could make us.
I imagine going on walks while strolling them along.
I imagine how CRAZY life would be but also how happy and fun it would be. I think of all the milestones that they would be going through and all the things they would be learning.
I imagine Jarom holding them and playing with them and loving them so much, he wouldn't know what to do with himself.
And today I can't get the picture of them out of my head. Holding their tiny little body's and loving them so much! Watching Jarom hold them both and look at them with the kind love I have never seen before. Crying together and telling them how much we love them. Kissing their cold skin and having to say goodbye to them. Nothing has ever seemed so hard or has strengthened us so much. We have grown closer together as a couple because of this and learned to rely on the Lord more than we could ever imagine! Through all the tears and memories of them, we are so blessed to be looking forward to the arrival of our sweet little Evelyn, now! Now I get to look forward to, and imagine doing all these things with her!! A year ago, I would have never guessed that we would be where we are today! I thought that we would never be able to have a baby again (Irrational thinking at that time). We are getting closer and closer to her arrival and I am getting so antsy to see what she looks like and hold her and kiss her and love her and know that she is Okay! Thinking of her has made this day a lot easier! I kind of knew it would! I will never forget our twins, or the day we had to say goodbye to them. I guess October 13 will always be a hard day for us. For now at least.