Hospital and feelings

I feel pretty brave for posting these pictures, as they are NOT the most glamorous pictures I've ever taken. I was just going through some pictures and came across them and decided to share. Though our experience at the hospital was hard and sad, I don't want to forget the feelings I felt there and just seeing these pictures made all those feelings come back.

I remember feeling so scared and nervous. So nervous that I couldn't stop shaking. I knew that everything I was doing was for my baby girls and so I tried to be so brave. I felt so lonely and ready for it all to be over.
When they told me that Jarom could not come with me into the OR I was terrified!
Everything hurt!
The IV was horrible, getting my blood taken all the time was so annoying, the catheter was awful, the food was gross, they gave me a local anesthetic for the surgery and it barely worked! I could feel EVERYTHING! OUCH!
I missed Jarom and my Mommy!
So many things were running through my head but mostly I just wanted my Babies to be safe!
I loved my Doctor and Nurses! They were so comforting and nice!
The visitors were awesome! Courtenay and Everett came and spent all day with us and Jenni and Michael and Joanna and Cody and Eliza came after work each time we went in! I felt so loved and they made me so happy!

When we went in to deliver the babies I just wanted everything to be over! I was so scared and tired. I had feelings like "Did I kill my babies?" and "what if the surgeries I had actually made things worse?" and so much more! I think I went through all the "What If's" you could think of! I know now that those were not realistic and that it's natural to have those kind of feelings, but then it felt so logical and real. All in all our visits were scary but good. These pictures make me giggle a little bit because of how embarrassingly silly I looked! take a look for yourself, I think you'll agree!

These were taken after the surgery and we knew that we still had both of our babies so I looked a lot better than I did after the delivery, if you can believe that! We didn't take any pictures of that visit.





I was able to get up and walk to the bathroom. It felt good to be up. Jarom giggled every time I would get up because of the special diaper I got to wear. hee hee

This was before surgery. I was trying not to think about how scared I was!

So, there's the glamour shots. I'm so glad to look back at these as a memory now.

We had a great Thanksgiving vacation in California with Jarom's family. I will post about that later. We're loving the snow and getting ready for Christmas! It's the most wonderful time of the year! Just what we need! I hope you all had a wonderful Holiday!